Faith Travels From  Phillis Seabrooks...                   

                                                     

                    Feeling His Love

                                         
 

My name is Phillis Seabrooks...This is one of my many testimonies of what the Lord has done for me.
 
This happened May of 2005.   Unbeknowence to anyone, I had been asking the Lord to allow me to "feel" His love toward me.   Because I had hardened myself to the pain of life, I also had become hardened to love as well...not even feeling His Love.  Oh...I "knew" He loved me...I just didn't "feel" it.  I lived this way for many many years...almost not aware of it.   Feeling empty all the time, I began to cry out. "Lord...I need to feel your love for me"!!   As I said earlier, no one knew I felt this way. This was between my Father and I.
 

During this time of crying out to the Lord, I was baby-sitting my great nephew, Colin Mikel. He was 5 months and so adorable. My adoration toward my little nephew became overwhelming!  My heart would ache for him!  There was such a longing to be with him...I would watch him sleep hours at a time.  When he got sick, I was up all night with him, not wanting to leave him during that time...not even for sleep. I was always saying..."oh how you ravish my heart little one"..."you consume me"...and "I love you so"! 

 I would say to my little great nephew, Colin Mikel, "How can you not feel my love for you little one...it overwhelms me...it consumes me...you "must" know how much I love you.” Totally overtaken with affection toward my nephew would not begin to describe my feelings toward him. While I loved all my nieces and nephews, Colin had raptured my heart!   I did not understand my love for this little baby!  I would often say to my niece, (Colin's mother) how my love for him is super intense, and would go on and on about him.  I would say to my sister (Colin's grandmother)...I have never felt this way about anyone...not even my own children!
 

One day with Colin in my lap, and on the telephone with a friend, I again was telling of my new found love.  When suddenly my friend said, "Phillis, I just saw you as the Father and the baby as you!”  WOW!!! , she went on to say..."He's letting you feel His love for you!”  Needless to say, I could not speak, but did manage to squeak out, "I'll call you back.”  It was as if a dam had broken!   I burst forth with tears of great joy!!   Colin started crying too...as if to understand it all!!
 

Since that day I have walked with a new resolve, my footing is sure.   I dare to go where I would not go before, do what I would not do before...live life on purpose.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I am now going through chemo and possible radiation.  But I will not be moved!!!   My Redeemer lives!!!!!  To know and experience the Love of God far exceeds anything life can throw at you!   How awesomely wonderful it is to "feel" His love!  Romans 8:39