I WAS BORN IN 1963 TO A CATHOLIC FAMILY AND WAS RAISED CATHOLIC ...IT SEEMS LIKE I'VE ALWAYS HAD SOME KIND OF CONNECTION WITH THE LORD ...AS A SMALL BOY ABOUT 5 YEARS OLD I WOULD SEE THE CLASSIC MOVIE "KING OF KINGS"AND I WOULD CRY AND CRY OVER THE CRUCIFIXTION SCENE NOT REALLY KNOWING WHY ..YET IT AFFECTED ME GREATLY...

 

AS I GREW OLDER I WAS MOVED TO FLORIDA AT THE AGE OF 9 FROM MICHIGAN WHERE I WAS BORN...I STARTED TO EXPERIANCE REJECTION AT THAT POINT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL ...FOR SOME REASON I WAS NOT ACCEPTED BY OTHER BOYS MY AGE ...THERE WAS SOMETHING DIFFRENT ABOUT ME THAT THEY NOTICED...IT WAS THEN I WAS FIRST CALLED A "FAG"...AT THAT EARLY OF AN AGE WE HAVE NO SEXUAL IDENITY YET ...BUT THE OTHER BOYS NEW SOMETHING WAS ODD...THIS STARTED A TORTURE FILLED CHILDHOOD OF REJECTION AND ABUSE...I WAS CONSTANTLY BEATEN AND HUMILIATED BY OTHER BOYS ...I HAD NO FRIENDS WHAT SO EVER  FROM THE AGE OF 9 TO ABOUT16.

 

DURING THIS TIME OF NO FRIENDS ...ROCKSTARS BECAME MY BEST FRIENDS ..I WAS OBSESSED ITH THE ROCK GROUP "KISS"..THEY BECAME THE FRIENDS I DIDNT HAVE AND I DREAMED OF BEING A ROCKSTAR SOMEDAY... BUT I WAS ALONE ...IT HAD GOTTEN SO BAD I HAD TO BE ESCORTED TO AND FROM THE BUS STOPS SO I WOULDNT BE ATTACKED ...ONE INSTANCE IN MY FRESHMEN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL DURING GYM CLASS THE OTHER BOYS URINATED ON MY SCHOOL CLOTHS  WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWERS AND WHEN I CAME BACK TO PUT MY CLOTHS ON THEY HELD ME DOWN AND FORCED ME TO WEAR THE URINE SOAKED CLOTHING ...I HAD TO THEN WALK TO THE OFFICE TO HAVE MY MOTHER CALLED TO COME GET ME AND BRING CLEAN CLOTHS....THINGS GOT WORSE UNTIL MY SENIOR YEAR WHEN I GOT INVOLVED IN THE DRAMA CLUB AND MADE SOME FRIENDS...

 

BY NOW I HAD REALISED THAT I WAS FINDING MYSELF SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO OTHER BOYS ...THE VERY ONES WHO REJECTED ME...AT THIS SAME TIME MY  LIFE AT HOME WAS ROUGH ALSO ..I HAD A VERY DOMINANT ABUSIVE MOTHER AND A VERY TIMID SUBMISIVE FATHER...THEY ALSO REFFERED TO ME AS A SISSY ON SEVERAL OCASSIONS...I LOST MY VIRGINITY AT THE AGE OF 16 IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM...MY DESIRE FOR MEN STARTED TO GROW...AT THE AGE OF 18 I "CAME OUT"...TOLD EVERYONe ONE I WAS GAY...ALL THE FRIENDS I HAD MADE NOW REJECTED ME ..THEY WROTE THE WORD FAG IN GASOLINE IN THE ROAD OUTSIDE MY PARENTS HOME AND LIT IT ON FIRE ...

 

I PLUNGED MYSELF INTO THE GAY WORLD THEN AND WAS ACCEPTED BY OTHER PEOPLE WHO WERE LIKE ME...IT WAS A FREEDOM LIKE I HAD NEVER FELT...THE NEXT SEVERAL YEARS I WAS DEEP IN THE GAY LIFESTYLE...TILL ONE DAY AT WORK A GIRL STARTED TALKING ABOUT JESUS  TO ME ...SHE WITTNESSED TO ME IN LOVE AND COMPASION EVERYDAY ...SHE KNEW I WAS GAY AND LOVED ROCK MUSIC SO SHE INVITED ME TO A SERIES OF SERMONS ON THE MESSAGES OF ROCK MUSIC AND HOW UNGODLY IT WAS ...THIS ANGERED ME BUT I WENT BECAUSE I LOVED HER VERY MUCH ...IT WAS A 3 NITE NITE EVENT...

 

THE FIRST NITE I SAT WITH MY ARMS FOLDED ...REFUSING TO LISTEN ...THE SAME ON THE SECOND NITE ...THEN ON THE LAST NITE SOMETHING HAPPENED ...IT WAS AS IF A FOG HAD LIFTED ...AND I COULD SEE AND HEAR THRUTH FOR THE FIRST TIME..LIKE THE BLINDERS WERE OFF...I STARTED TO WEEP AND SHAKE UNCONTROLABLY...AT THE ALTAR CALL I RAN TO THE FRONT AND ACCEPTED CHRIST INTO MY HEART...I SAW HIM IN MY MIND ON TOP OF A FLOWER COVERED HILL WITH HIS ARMS OUT STRETCHED TO ME ..SMILING AND CALLING MY NAME AS I RAN TO HIM ...I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY...MY LIFE CHANGED THAT DAY OF DECEMBER 4TH 1984..I WAS SAVED...EVERYTHING ABOUT ME CHANGED MY FRIENDS ...MY DESIRES..EVERYTHING ...I GOT INVOLVED IN A CHRISTION ROCK BAND THAT I WAS THE SINGER FOR CALLED "ARCHANGEL"..

 

THEN ANOTHER BAND "SONIC ANGEL"...BUT MY SEXUALITY WAS STILL THERE ALTHOUGH I WAS TRYING TO CONTROL IT..DURING A COUNSELING SESSION WITH A PASTOR ONE DAY HE MADE A SEXUAL PASS AT ME..WHEN I SPOKE OF THIS MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR ME ANYMORE AND I WAS AGAIN FELT REJECTED...AND RAN BACK TO THE ARMS OF THE WORLD AND THE GAY COMMUNITY...THIS STARTED YEARS OF PERVERSION I CANT EVEN GET INTO ...BUT I WOULD HAVE SEX IN ADULT BOOK STORES AND MOVIE THEATRES  WITH UP TO 20 DIFFRENT MEN A DAY I WAS A PURE SEXUAL DEVIANT ...

 

MY HUNGER COULD NOT BE SATISFIED AND THE MORE VILE AND PERVERTED I GOT...MEANWHILE I HAD DECIDED TO BECOME A DRAG QUEEN...STILL FEELING LIKE A ROCKSTAR I TOOK THE IDEA OF BEING A DRAG QUEEN AND ADDED MY OWN SPIN ON IT BY MAKING IT MORE LIKE A "MARILYN MANSON"TYPE OF PERFORMER ...MY NEW IDENITY WAS NAMED "COMA"...NOT A MAN OR A WOMAN BUT A TWISTED DEMONIC CREATITION ...I WOULD COME ONSTAGE AT TIMES WEARING A CROWN OF THORNS WHILE VOMITING BLOOD (MOCKING THE GOD WHO SAVED ME)  AND TEARING BABY DOLLS APART ...I PERFORMED ONCE SIMULATING SEX WITH A CORPSE WHILE I PULLED HIS LIVER AND INTESTINES OUT AND ATE THEM ONSTAGE...

 

I REACHED VERY HIGH SUCCESS IN THE GAY COMMUNITY AND WAS CONSIDERED A STAR IN THERE EYES ...I STARTED TO DO COCAINE AT THIS TIME AND BECAME ADDICTED TO IT BADLY ...I HAD TO HAVE IT ALL THE TIME ...I ENDED UP BEING ARRESTED AND TAKEN TO JAIL FOR FELONY DRUG POSSISION... I STILL COMTINUED TO LIVE THIS LIFE ...BUT GOD HAD NEVER LET GO OF ME ...HIS VOICE WAS STILL THERE ..I JUST IGNORED IT  GOD WOULD SEND CHRISIANS ACROSS MY PATH FREQUENTLY...I WOULD EVEN ATTEND CHURCH SERVICES FROM TIME TO TIME..

 

THE TIMES I WOULD PERFORM WEARING THE CROWN OF THORNS AFTERWARDS I WOULD WEEP...I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING ...I KNEW THE TRUTH ...BUT I CONTINUED TO BE COMA AND LIVE IN THE WORLD..IT WAS AROUND THIS TIME I LOST BOTH OF MY PARENTS AND WAS ALSO TOLD I WAS INFECTED WITH THE HIV VIRUS .I ENDED UP MOVING TO ATLANTA FOR A JOB AND MET SOME GREAT CHRISTIANS...I DECIDED ONE DAY TO RE COMMIT MY LIFE TO GOD..AND WAS BAPTISED AND ATTENDED SEVERAL GREAT CHURCHS ...BUT STILL PERFORMED AS COMA AND DID COCAINE ...ONE FOOT WITH GOD AND ONE IN THE WORLD..IT DROVE ME TO ATTEMPT SUICIDE...I LOST MY JOB...

 

AND DECIDED TO MOVE HOME TO FLORIDA...I HAD A GREAT JOB LOTS OF MONEY A BEAUTIFUL HOME A DOG THAT I LOVED WITH MY WHOLE HEART A NEW CAR ...EVERYTHING...BUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG ...I HAD A BREAKDOWN ...LOST THE NEW JOB...LOST MY CAR ...MY HOME...MY DOG AND WITHIN A BLINK OF AN EYE I WAS HOMELESS ON THE STREETS OF TAMPA BAY...I TRIED SUICIDE 4 MORE TIMES...IN AND OUT OF PSYCH WARDS...NO WHERE TO GO...I WOULD TALK TO GOD ONCE IN AWHILE BIUT I WAS SO FAR GONE...I ENDED UP IN A GROUP HOME FOR HOMELESS PEOPLE WITH HIV...BUT I FOUND OUT I WAS NO LONGER HIV POSITVE BUT NOW I WAS FULL BLOWN AIDS!!!...

 

I GOT CANCER AND BECAME VERY ILL...I EVENTUALLY RECEIVED DISABILITY AND QUALIFIED TO MOVE INTO APARTMENTS FOR PEOPLE WHO WERE ON DIABILITY AND HAD AIDS...THE DRUG ABUSE STOPPED ...AND GOD HAD RESTORED ME ...I WAS OFF THE STREETS MY HEALTH WAS GETTING BETTER AND I HAD MY OWN HOME AGAIN...BUT IT WASNT ENOUGH ...I STILL RAN BACK TO THE WORLD AND STATED TO PERFORM AS COMA AGAIN....GOD HAD STARTED TO DEAL WITH ME THOUGH ...HE WAS SPEAKING LOUDER...

 

I STARTED WRESTLING WITH HIM ....THEN ONE NITE ABOUT 1 YEAR AGO HE WOKE ME UP AT 3 AM AND SAID NOW !!!!!...I WANT ALL OF YOU NOW ...ENOUGH RUNNING ...I WANT ALL OF YOU TRACE ...IT WAS TIME ...SINCE THAT NITE IN 1984 I DECIDED TO GIVE IT ALL UP AGAIN ...I RAN BACK INTO HIS ARMS...100% SURRENDERED...COMA IS OVER ...YOU CAN READ IN PREVIOUS BLOGS ON THAT DECISION...IM  STILL HERE ...GOD NEVER LET GO OF ME...ALL THE THINGS I DID HE STILL LOVED ME..NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I SPIT IN HIS FACE HE STILL LOVED ME ....

 

AS FAR AS MY SEXUALITY ...IT ALSO WAS LAYED AT THE CROSS ...THE LORD REVEALED TO ME THAT I WASNT BORN THIS WAY ...IT WAS A RESULT OF ALL THE REJECTION AS A CHILD ...THE VERY THING I DESIRED ..NORMAL RELATINSHIPS WITH OTHER MEN  GOT SEXUALIZED AND PERVERTED ...I WAS CRAVING TO BE ACCEPTED AND LOVED BY OTHER MEN ...BUT THE ENEMY USED THIS CHANCE TO STEP IN AND TWIST IT...I NEVER CHOSE TO BE GAY...IT COMES ABOUT TO DIFFRENT PEOPLE THRU DIFFRENT CIRCUMSTANCES....

 

I PRAISE GOD ...IM HOME AGAIN ...LIKE THE PRODICAL SON...IM IN A GOOD CHUCH HERE CALLED CALVARY CHAPEL..AND HAVE MET SOME GREAT CHRISTIAN GUYS...THE LORD IS GOING TO FUFILL IN ME WHAT HE HAD PLANNED ALL THE TIME..NO MATTER WHAT I DID ALONG THE WAY...

 

I PRAY PEOPLE READ THIS RATHER LONG STORY AND IT HELPS ...OR SHARE IT WITH SOMEONE ...I AM NOW 45 AND DOING WELL...GOD IS RESTORING ME..AND I PRAY WILL USE ME IN ANY WAY HE WANTS ...PRAISE GOD ..IM STILL HERE ...AND IM FREE ...THANK YOU JESUS